One of the biggest gifts we can give children is to teach them to be flexible. Flexibility is the ability to adapt to new situations, improvise and use multiple strategies to overcome difficulties. In life, plans are constantly changing, life throws us curveballs all the time. The people who are able to surf those waves with equanimity are so much happier.
According to Paul Tough in his book, ” How Children Succeed”, flexibility is one of the character traits needed for academic success. Children need to be flexible in school to manage friendships, scheduling, and actual learning. This is “Because children are always dealing with contradictory information, /c/ is pronounced /k/ unless its pronounced like an “s”. ‘Tail’ and ‘Tale’ have different meanings, /0/ means one thing on its own and another with a /1/ in front of it.”
Teaching flexibility also aids in learning because it helps children become creative problem solvers by looking for “out of the box” solutions in difficult situations and enables them to view challenges – big and small – as not merely frustrations but as opportunities to learn and grow.
Here are four ways to teach children to be flexible thinkers:
1. Be a role model: Kids don’t do as we say, they do as we do. When we think in flexible ways we can share our experiences with our kids. We can talk about how we modified our plans, ideas and points of view and things turned out okay. We can say:
“Today, I tried to write an article for work but I couldn’t think of any topics. So I took a walk, and read some other articles on line to get ideas. That did the trick. The article is finished.”
“I was going to make hamburgers for dinner, but I forgot to defrost it. Let’s have spaghetti”
“I really didn’t like Sara when I first met her, but then I got to know her and realized she is quiet with people she doesn’t know. Once you get to know her she has s great sense of humor.”
We can also talk about how doing things differently is fun and exciting:
“I heard the traffic was going to be awful today, so I decided to ride my bike to work.It was so much fun”
2. Talk the Talk:
When we are working or playing with children, it is the perfect opportunity to speak to them in a way that promotes flexible thinking.
“This puzzle piece is giving us a hard time. Let’s see if we can do this another way”
“Since we are allergic to chocolate, I wonder what would happen if we tried to make a different cake.”
“Let’s see what else we can do to help baby Sara calm down.”
“If we hold the dirty laundry in our hands we can only hold a small amount. If we put the dirty laundry in the basket we could get all of it to the laundry room in one trip!”
3. Phrases that promote flexible thinking:
Many teachers have posters in their classroom with examples of phrases that encourage children to think flexibly. Parents can post these phrases on their kitchen bulletin board or on the fridge:
“I should appreciate what I have.”
“This might not be so bad”
“I know sometimes people do things because they care, but it can be hard to see.”
“I know I can figure out what to do if I take my time.”
“Sometimes things change that I can’t control and that’s OK.”
“This is not worth being upset about”
“It’s not working the way I am doing this. Maybe I can try a different way this time.”
“I won’t know if I like something until I try it.”
“The way other people do things is OK and might teach me something new.”
(Adapted from languageofspeech.blogspot.com)
4.One more idea:
Kids learn best when we talk about other kids who have similar issues. We can point out people who tried different options until they succeeded:
“I had one student today, who had such a hard time with fractions. He asked me for help and I reviewed it with him again. He went home and asked his Dad to review it with him and then he did some practice questions. He got a 90 on his test. He really kept at it until he understood!”
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